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May 2012

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So I totally forgot I had this for a while... Whoops!!

I've been a bit busy to say the least. Been studying my brains out for school and trying to get that finished in hopes that I can land a job. I hate NOT working. I hate being home all the time and I hate relying on the hubby's paycheck to scrape by.

So things have been going well with my bio family so far. Talk to my birth mom every few days. One of my brothers contacted me and called me by surprise, but we are deffinately siblings that's for sure!

My "emptyness" that I've always felt is slowly going away which is wonderful. To those who have never been denied their rights to their culture, heritage, and where they came from wouldn't understand what this emptyness is and why it is so important. I probably wouldn't understand either if I weren't adopted. It reminds me of when my mom always told me that people always want what they can't have. It's true. I am denied my rights, so I want my rights!

I am planning on calling the office of Vital records again to see that if my bio mom gives them permission, they can release my documents. I don't see why they couldn't but I have already been told before that they won't do it. The lady was quite rude to me actually... I don't remember the exact words she said but I know she had asked why I was so adament(sp?) about insignificant stuff. Then when I asked why , even with permission from biological family, I could not obtain this info. She said something like my efforts aren't good enough, and she said that I shouldn't clog their phone lines with questions like that and that i should just go protest it or something.

One thing I don't understand is that whenever I talk about my adoption around others, or ask people questions as to why I have different rights, no one cares. It is not important to them so therefore they feel it is not important and that I am "over reacting." I get told that i am ungrateful all the time, that I am just hurting my a-family and that makes me selfish. How does wanting to know my origin, my roots, and my identity selfish? Once again like I mentioned before. I had no choices or rights as an infant. I did not choose to be born, I did not choose to be put up for adoption, and I did not choose to have to deal with the things that have come from being adopted. I was forced to be a blank slate that my adoptive parents thought they could mold me into whatever they wanted.....to be like them, look like them, act like them, etc. Everything was chosen for me. How is that selfish of me? I just simply wanna know who I am!! The one thing I ever asked for.  I get told hurtful things all the time about me being adopted. One person told me that "YOU ARE A LOSER! Your adoptive parents are so unlucky to have adopted you. You should have been aborted!!!" If you do not know me, how do you know I am a loser? I want evidence that proves your statement correct. And according to a forum I have been following and inputting into, being put down about my adoption, being rejected the same rights as everyone else, etc. those are not valid enough reasons to prove that adoptees are discriminated against. It doesn't take a war, a genocide, public humiliation, etc to mean a group is discriminated against. I will side with those who said that for a moment and say, there's not a public knowledge of what adoptees go through, the things we are faced with on a daily basis, the discrimination we have faced and will face. It's not out in the open. Not all adoptees talk about how they feel or what they've been through as it is painful and tramatic sometimes, also in fear of judgement and the cruelty that we do face when we talk about it. So it may not be obvious discrimination to most. But it is there. If only people would be willing to sit and listen to a group of adoptees talk about our stories and what we have faced and overcome, without judgement and cruel remarks, It would be amazing and weight lifting.